If I was partnered…I would buy the house of my dreams!
I’d love to stay in and just “veg” this Saturday night, but I’m afraid I’ll get lonely!
If I only had a friend to do things with, I would go on to that book group.
Look at all those couples! I wish I had someone I could really count on!
If so, you are not alone. And it can be helpful to take a few moments to identify some of the common emotional pitfalls in SingleSpace.
There are some real benefits in being single. In fact, it can be useful to make your own list of the advantages and disadvantages you see in being single, and the advantages and disadvantages you see for those who are married and coupled. (See Lewis's books, listed in Resources and Links for a more in depth discussion of this exercise). Looking at your list can help you gain perspective, since it is the advantages of being single you want to build on and the disadvantages you want to recognize and work with or around.
Nonetheless, several assumptions and attitudes can get in the way of maximizing our possibilities in SingleSpace. In this section, we are going to look at these closely, as they can get in the way of being alive, creative, and “blooming where you are.”
Some of these emotional pitfalls include:
Idealizing marriage and partnership
Confusing being alone with feeling lonely and isolated
Living from outdated maps and life scripts
Feeling guilty, selfish and self-indulgent
Avoiding taking initiative and risks
Waiting for others to take the lead or provide for you
Living from a place of "what's wrong with me that I am single," rather than from the place of "this is who I am and I am going to make it hum!"
Click here to read more about "Life on Hold", one of the common Emotional Pitfalls in SingleSpace.
A Developmental Perspective: Are the Early Years of Single Life the Hardest?